Gen X Bingo

Okay, come on now. I can’t write here and never have fun.

Generation X is widely defined as including anyone born between the years 1965 and 1980. I am just a wee step past the middle of that range. Found this “bingo card” on Facebook not long ago and couldn’t resist sharing it.

How many of these have you done? I’ll go down the list for me.

Used a card catalog: Yep.

Wore a flannel shirt over a band tee: I am not sure I did this in high school. At minimum, I wore a band shirt. (If you’ve known me long enough, you could tell me which band, too. Anybody want to guess?) I did wear flannel over t-shirts later in life, though they were mostly nerd culture shirts (Star Wars, for instance).

Called a 1-900 hotline: Oh fuck no. My parents would have had my hide. By the time I had my own line later, I didn’t want the expense and was pretty sure it would be too weird.

Drank the original Crystal Pepsi: Yep. It was underwhelming. I’ve also had the New Coke, and that was gross.

(For what it’s worth: you know all the people saying Mexican Coca-Cola tastes different than American Coca-Cola? Yes. It does. The Mexican version tastes like the American version did when I was a kid. I was surprised too. Have someone blind-taste-test you if you don’t believe me.)

Fished a toy out of a cereal box with bare hands: God, you make it sound like we all had Ebola. We had soap, y’know. And back then our parents actually expected us to wash our hands before meals. But yep. They at least were better than the Cracker-Jack prizes. Especially these days. (P.S. The toys came in baggies. We weren’t barbarians.)

Made juice from frozen concentrate in a can: Hell no. We weren’t rich. We made Tang instead. But I did do it years later when I was on WIC. (We were never on any poverty programs when I was a kid, far as I know.)

Attended a birthday party at a fast-food restaurant: I don’t think so? I can’t remember. Probably not.

Can still imitate the dial-up sound: Never could imitate the dial-up sound. Will never forget it, though, unless I get dementia.

Were kind and remembered to rewind: Well, half the time the video stores would fine you if you didn’t. Also, I hated it when other people didn’t do it so I didn’t want to be a douchebag like them.

Marlo or Mavis Beacon taught you typing: [trenchcoat angel voice] I do not understand this reference. [/trenchcoat angel voice] A teacher with Really Powerful Stage Presence taught me typing. We had a textbook too, and it was this weird vertical one with the spine at the top, but I don’t remember what the title was. Also, I learned on an actual typewriter. Electric, but still.

Someone in your family collected Marlboro points: YES. Is that even legal now? I think that’s even where I got my Marlboro t-shirt. Which I’m pretty sure I was allowed to wear to school. As in they didn’t send me home to change. Punchline: I never took up smoking. (Tobacco. Though I rarely do any other kind either.)

Used collect calling to schedule pickups: Maybe? I don’t remember, but I’m pretty sure I used it in some way that was not its intended purpose and that that use involved my parents.

I could tell you the last time I had anything to do with collect calling at all: 2004. This guy I had had a one-evening fling with called me at home during one of the worst times of my life and he was calling from prison. I was already dealing with a man’s shit. I did not care to deal with an incarcerated man’s shit. I declined the call.

Talked to a friend’s parent before they got on the phone: Yep.

Covered textbooks with paper grocery bags: Sometimes, and sometimes you could get these free paper book covers at school that had stupid ads printed all over one side. I just used them with the blank side out so I could doodle all over them.

Died of dysentery: We never had a computer at home except when we “test-drove” the first Mac in 1984. Ish? I’m pretty sure that was the year. My first experience with video games was Pac-Man.

*69ed someone: I wonder how many younger people saw this square and immediately thought of something naughty. Nope. If someone called and you didn’t know who it was, dialing the star and then six and then nine buttons on your phone keypad told you the last number that called you and then called them back. This was before everyone had caller ID. Even when that was introduced, it cost extra for a while.

Scammed Columbia House and BMG out of free CDs and cassettes: I don’t think so? But I did sort of lose interest in paying after a while. I take comfort in my own failure after learning that they published the music they sold in-house and that those CDs and cassettes have very little to no resale value. Bastards, because I went through a phase in my life where I sold off most of my physical music because I was always broke.

Ate from paper products with abstract teal and purple squiggle art: Probably. In fact, isn’t that pattern still around somewhere?

Got pierced at the mall: No. Got pierced on a Spanish rooftop by some old Spanish lady who was our next-door neighbor. Dad was telling me about it a few years ago. I was just a baby. Mom said that when I was about three or four months old and we were back in the states, some older black woman noticed my ears and scolded her: “Why you be piercin that chile’s yars?” Getting it that young didn’t even keep the piercings from growing back together — or the left one, anyway. I have to keep hoops in my ears to keep the holes open.

Watched The Price Is Right when you were home sick from school: I was almost never home sick from school. So when I was sick, I didn’t give a shit about watching TV — I just wanted to sleep. But I did watch it when I was visiting my mom during the summer, which is why I know who Bob Barker is at all.

Ate tan M&Ms: Yep. I even remember when they ditched them, brought back the reds, and then introduced the blue ones. It was a draw between blue, purple, and some other color I don’t remember now, and I think there was a campaign for people to vote on which one they wanted. When blue won, I heard a morning crew on the radio opine that the blue ones looked like Smurf turds.

You’re welcome.

Graduated from DARE: DARE was not a thing when I was in k-8 school. I think it had started in the lower grades by the time I was in high school. Missed that whole thing. Do not care. If you need a cop to tell you not to become a pothead, nothing is gonna help you.

Injured yourself with a Slip ‘n’ Slide, etc.: I wasn’t much of an outdoor person. So I didn’t get injured often. Typically I’d be running down the sidewalk and trip and land on my knees if anything was going to happen. My most memorable injury happened on my tricycle — or, more properly: riding it down a very large hill at breakneck speed, tipping off it at the bottom, and landing on my chin. Two stitches, during which application I threw a hellacious tantrum. I still have the scar. And this was a proper red tricycle, not a Big Wheel.

Wallpapered your bedroom with posters: Yep. Wanna see?

And if you pay attention, you’ll be able to answer the question I asked about band t-shirts way back up the page.

Still have anxiety from America’s Most Wanted, etc.: Never had any. I knew about those shows, and someone in the household may have even watched them, but they always seemed like a “somebody else’s problem” problem.

So basically, I am probably down for several different bingos here. What’s my prize, a CPAP?